My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
