2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
