If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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