and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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