I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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