I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
