y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
