omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
