Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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