Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
