My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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