My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
