I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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