The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
