It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
