and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
