I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize