someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
