I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Even my vagina gasped.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
