You work out of a Hotel?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize