Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
