Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
