I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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