Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
