So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
