Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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