I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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