Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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