Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
