FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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