last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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