If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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