i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize