Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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