I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My dick has a subreddit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
