Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When are your genitals available?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize