then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
be right there i have to get my cape
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
