Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
