'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think people are normalizing furries
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
