I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The ass gains better be worth it
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