I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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