we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
