this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
