when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
