it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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