Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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