Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
