My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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