Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
