lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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