im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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