In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
