Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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