I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
