Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
