Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize