he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize