i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
