Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
