Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
