so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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