Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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