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i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Randomize
