i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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