friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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