all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
