My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
